How to keep calm when he chooses the boys over quality time with you


So you have just finished your make up and you look to die for in your little black dress that you actively lost the belly fat just to look good in. It is Saturday night yet you have absolutely no plans of hitting the town, in fact you have selected the series that you want to watch from your DStv Explora and you have chilled your bubbly and put out the snacks. Just as you settle into your couch after a candle lit dinner that took you’re the better part of the day to prepare he then drops an earth shuttering bombshell – HE IS GOING OUT WITH THE BOYS TONIGHT!

Yes ladies, your man is not the only one who conveniently forgets your date night and opts to go and watch last week’s game with Sizwe and Majahonkhe. It is fast becoming a disease that I call AQTWBD (Avoid Quality Time with Bae Disease) and no ladies, they do not do this intentionally so do not take it personally. In fact if they were left to their own devices, men would forget their own birthdays every now and then, forget to get dressed some mornings or even forget to get up some days. Here are a few tips on how to handle your reaction or over reaction whenever he decides that his mates are just better company:

  1. Do not freak out: Believe it or not, men actually expect you to understand if they decide to take a rain check on date nights “after all we live together” or “after all she knows that I love her”, that is the rationale behind his attitude. Throwing a tantrum will not work, in fact this will only manage to put you in a bad light with him as he will start to believe that you are immature. Swallow your disappointment and wish him a great evening, because at the end of it all – HE WILL GO OUT.
  1. Do not feel sorry for yourself: You have to remember that has absolutely nothing to do with you, he really does love you and believes that the relationship couldn’t be stronger and better at the moment. Lift your head and straighten those shoulders, the last thing you want to do is binge on ice cream while you wallow in self pity. In fact, this will give you time to actually spend time with yourself, you need to. There is a lot you can learn about yourself and the discoveries never stop as you grow older, so embrace the sudden change of plans and reinvest the time in yourself.
  1. Pop that bubbly: Just because he will not be joining you for date night does not mean it has to end. Go ahead and watch that series, pop your bubbly and have a whale of a time. This will actually put you in a good mood and prevent any drama from occurring when he comes back.
  1. Stay away from your phone: DO NOT and I repeat, do not check up on him! There is nothing more irritating than when you are having a good time and your phone keeps ringing non-stop. Give him his space and even though some may find this hard to believe, he will actually start missing you.
  1. Do not sweat the small stuff when he returns: You might still feel a bit of a sting from being stood up by him. This is perfectly natural and since you have already given him a “get out of jail free” card, you do not need to continue being stoic. You need to be smart about this though, do not throw a hissy fit or sulk at him. Make sure that you are looking gorgeous, slap a smile on your face and leap into his arms with a hug and then ask him how his night was. Once he’s done relaying his night to you, tell him what you got up to. You do not have to make this up, your night may have been more ordinary compared to his, but tell it in such a way that will make him wish he had stayed. I leave this part entirely to your imagination.

Remember though ladies, there is no “holy grail” of a relationship manual out there and each and every relationship is unique and different to the next. We all handle disappointment differently but making your frustrations work for you in your relationship is far more worth it than the few minutes of gratification you will get from just letting it rip on him and telling him off.